i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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