I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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