Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
