i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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