It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
