the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
