i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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