did you get engaged???
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
