That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
