never play flip cup with pint glasses
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
