you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
