i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
