It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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