Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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