When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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