I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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