If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
