So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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