we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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