woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
