i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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