yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
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You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
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Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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