trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
She announced her abortion via fbk
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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