I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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