yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
it hurts more in the daytime
i love accidental penises.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
How external is "for external use only"?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
