Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
