the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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