this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
