my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
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she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
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Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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