Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
