I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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