I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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