so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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