is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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