first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
