I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
God, you're like boner-b-gone
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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