I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana