I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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