mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
i know! what is this dateline?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.