be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
