I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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