He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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