Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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