ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Randomize
