It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
