There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
