So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Semen is not good for contacts.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
