Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
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