After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
