Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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