I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
dude. I can hear the air.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
