I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
