you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
this is an emotional support booty call
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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