If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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