life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
