I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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