He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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