there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
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