Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
