sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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