i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
