where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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