you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
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i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
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Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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