i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
