He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
