In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
