i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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