I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Randomize
