i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
