1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
