Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
