you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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