Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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