No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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