I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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