My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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