Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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